


Scaredy Cat

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Coming In Pants, Dirty Talk, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Humiliation, M/M, Pants wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-02-12 22:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12969957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: “... my brain isn’t making weird noises,” grumbled Ryan. “I heard something.”“Well, if you heard something, why don’t you go check it out?”“Maybe I wll!”“Will you?”“I will!”“So go do it,” said Shane.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I literally banged this out after marathoning Buzzfeed Unsolved. My first time writing these two guys, so please forgive me if this is butts.

Ryan was on edge.

What else was new, right?

They were in the tunnels of an old mental institution, that was now a college.

The worst of the buildings - the one where all of the _real_ atrocities had gone down - was gone. 

The rest of the place was just a regular college campus.

But the tunnels... the tunnels were unused.

And a camera was trained on the both of them, the little red light blinking at them in the darkness.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I’m beginning to think this is a bad idea.”

“This was your idea in the first place,” Ryan pointed out, in a bored tone of voice.

“You’re not at least a little bit creeped out?”

There was a plaintive note to Ryan’s voice. 

“Not really,” said Shane. “Other than all the dust mites that I’m probably inhaling.”

“Urgh,” said Ryan, and then there was a noise, and his blood turned cold.

Oh god.

Oh fuck.

“Did you hear that?”

“It was probably a rat or something,” said Shane, his tone dismissive.

“That isn’t _helping_ ,” Ryan almost wailed.

“Why don’t you go check yourself, then?” Shane’s voice sounded quiet.

“What if it’s a ghost?” 

“The ghosts here would be pretty mellow, wouldn’t they? They were mostly kids, or people with disabilities.”

“People with disabilities can be not mellow,” Ryan pointed out, aware that he sounded scandalized.

The warmth of his sleeping bag was comforting.

The warmth of Shane’s bulk just next to him was moreso.

They’d slept next to each other before, and it was… it was nice, in a way that he didn’t want to think about too hard.

His girlfriend knew about it - she even encouraged it.

But… well… Ryan was a bit too terrified right now to even _think_ of pursuing that kinda thing.

He’d made vague overtures, but… well, Shane was Shane.

How could you even tell?

And then there was another noise, and Ryan jerked upright, still wrapped up in his sleeping bag.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear me say something mildly offensive towards people with disabilities, or hear whatever weird noise your brain is making up?”

“... my brain isn’t making weird noises,” grumbled Ryan. “I heard something.”

“Well, if you heard something, why don’t you go check it out?”

“Maybe I wll!”

“Will you?”

“I will!”

“So go do it,” said Shane, and he prodded Ryan vaguely in the side.

Ryan groaned

Oh god.

“Or are you gonna wuss out like always?” Shane sounded amused.

“I’m not gonna wuss out,” Ryan said. “Fuck it. I’m gonna… I’m gonna fuckin’ prove it, man.”

“You prove that there’s a rat down by that tunnel,” said Shane, his voice drowsy.

Oh god, was Shane falling asleep?

Ryan couldn’t be alone like this.

No way could he be alone in this creepy tunnel, with the darkness creeping in on rat’s feet.

But he was standing up, wriggling out of his sleeping bag, pulling his boots on. 

He needed to pee.

Just fucking great.

To add to all of this.

He groaned, and Shane sat up, giving him a Look.

“What are you whining about?”

“I’m not whining,” Ryan said. “I’m just… unsettled, that’s all.”

“You’re scared shitless is what you are,” Shane said, but he sounded affectionate. 

“I am not,” Ryan said stiffly.

* * * 

Ryan’s feet crunched on the tunnel floor, and he had the flashlight, listening for the strange sound that he had heard earlier.

It had been a whispery, scritching sort of noise.

Probably nothing.

But just… doing something was better than lying there where it was quiet and unsettling, listening to Shan’s breathing, rehearsing the awkward conversation they were probably going to have when Ryan finally figured out a way to word his feelings right.

He had the camera strapped to his chest, and he was talking quietly to himself.

“It’s probably nothing, like he said, but, uh… hi. Hi, whoever you are. I don’t wanna hurt you. I’m not one of the doctors or the nurses or whatever, I promise. I’m just one dude from California, I’m, uh… liking the island, it’s nice, you guys do good pizza….”

And then something grabbed Ryan around the shoulders, and he screamed so loudly that it echoed off of the walls of the place, and Ryan’s every nerve was on edge, his stomach somewhere around his knees, every hair on his body standing on end.

He spun around, staring wildly, to be met with… Shane’s chest.

Shane, who was laughing so hard that he sounded like he was having an asthma attack, and he had put both hands on Ryan’s shoulders, and Ryan had dropped his flashlight - it had gone out - and now he was standing here in in the dark, shivering, his pants hot, his heart hammering in his chest.

Wait a minute.

Pants hot?

Oh shit.

“Shane, I fucking… oh my god,” Ryan gasped, and he was gasping.

“Ryan,” Shane said, and he sounded as sardonic and relaxed as always, if a bit concerned. “Are you okay, man? Sorry, I just… I couldn’t resist.”

“I fucking… I hate you,” Ryan said thickly.

He’d pissed his pants.

He’d been so startled that he’d pissed his goddamn pants.

Holy fuck.

Shane was never going to let him hear the end of this.

“Are you okay, man?” Shane made a sympathetic noise. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you that much.”

“You didn’t mean to… oh my god, you fucking….”

Ryan’s heart was still thudding in his ears, his dick was hard in his wet pants, his skin was one big goosebump….

He wasn’t really thinking when he grabbed Shane by the front of his sweater and he crashed their mouths together.

It wasn’t even a kiss. 

Their teeth clacked together, and Shane’s stubble scraped across Ryan’s own face.

Shane made a surprised nose, but he didn’t pull back.

His hands were on Ryan’s cheeks now, his stupid big hands.

“I mean,” Shane said, and he sounded as unflappable as ever, “I feel like, if you wanted to do the whole gay awakening thing, there are better places to do it than literally on camera, in a dark tunnel at three in the morning.”

Ryan made an annoyed noise, and he stood on tiptoe to kiss Shane again, because he was drunk on fear, and he was shaking, from adrenaline, from _finally_ fucking doing something about this stupid crush that he’d been nursing for who knew how fucking long.

Shane kissed Ryan back, and he was… he was grinning, as he pressed his lips against Ryan’s, and then his hands were moving from Ryan’s cheeks to Ryan’s hips, and then his hand was sliding under Ryan’s shirt.

“Why are you just… rolling with this?”

It was too fucking dark for Ryan to see Shane’s face, but he could see that obnoxious little smirk of his.

He totally could.

“Because I’ve seen it coming for ages,” Shane said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“... what?”

“Ryan, you shoot me googoo eyes all the time,” Shane said, as if he was talking to a kid. “And I can tell when you’ve got a boner, you’re utter shit at hiding when you get hard.”

“Oh my god,” Ryan groaned, the adrenaline finally fading, to be replaced with terror. 

A different kind of terror, admittedly, but still.

His stomach was frozen.

The piss was already drying cold. 

Shane had to smell it, oh god.

“Calm down,” Shane said, and he sounded amused. “Really. I’m not offended. I just figured we’d both be a bit more drunk if this kind of thing came around.”

“You were… expecting this?”

“Not this-this,” said Shane, and he made… some kind of hand motion.

It was pitch dark - Ryan’s flashlight had gone out when he’d dropped it, and Shane had apparently just snuck out here.

“This-this,” said Shane. “I figured we’d have some kind of hang out, probably have an awkward conversation, maybe make out, dry hump a little bit, then actually talk about our feelings and whatnot.”

“Shane Madej, offering to talk about his feelings,” Ryan said, his voice deadpan.

“I’m not that emotionally constipated,” Shane said, and he sounded slightly miffed. “But yeah. I didn’t think you’d end up pulling this type of thing when we’re staying underneath the remains of fucking Willowbrook State School….”

Ryan snickered a bit in spite of himself.

“Okay, so my timing is shit,” said Ryan, and he was holding on to Shane’s sweater.

He was shaking, still, and Shane was pulling him closer.

And then Shane’s knee connected with his thigh, and it came away wet.

There was an audible pause.

“Did you wet your pants?”

Shane sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

“Shut up,” Ryan mumbled, and he was blushing, staring off to the side

“Oh my god, you _did_ ,” said Shane, and he sounded… delighted?

What the fuck?

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan grumbled.

“You pissed your pants like a little scaredy cat,” said Shane, and his tone took on a teasing note. “Should we put you in diapers next time, to save on dry cleaning?”

“... wait, dry cleaning?” Ryan stared up at Shane, his forehead wrinkling. “Those are just the jeans that you chuck into the laundry.” 

He was still clinging. 

He needed to get let go.

He was loath to.

“I’m trying to dirty talk you,” Shane scolded. “Don’t nitpick.”

“So now we’re at the point where we’re dirty talking?”

Ryan’s head was spinning.

This couldn’t be real.

“I mean, you’re standing here with a boner in wet pants, I’m standing here with a boner in dry pants, I wanna keep kissing you, I figure that if there’s ever a chance to do the whole dirty talk thing, it’s a time like this.”

“... right,” said Ryan. “Oh. Um.”

“Does that mean stop?”

“No, no,” Ryan said. “No, uh, I, um, I like….”

“You like?”

Ryan couldn’t see Shane’s “get on with it” motion with his hand, but he could feel it. 

“I like when you talk to me like that,” Ryan said thickly.

“When I call you a scaredy cat?”

Shane’s hand was moving down, to squeeze Ryan’s cock through the wet denim.

Ryan shuddered, and he clung to Shane’s sweater. 

“Yeah,” Ryan said thickly. “That’s nice.”

“You’re a scaredy cat with wet pants,” Shane said, right in Ryan’s ear, and it was enough to make Ryan shudder, as Shane’s low voice vibrated across his skin. “You pissed yourself because I frightened you. I bet if you saw a real ghost, you’d leave a real puddle, huh? You’d piss your pants….”

Ryan shuddered, and he was grinding against Shane’s hand, and he was pressing his face into Shane’s shoulder.

“You’re gonna cum in your pissy pants, Ryan,” said Shane. “I bet… I bet that’s what you’ve been thinking about. I bet that you want to do this, just to scare yourself, just to get yourself all worked up….”

Ryan groaned, and his toes were curling. 

“I’m gonna… fuck, Shane, I….”

“Do it, fuckin’ do it,” Shane said, and then he was snickering. “Hey, if any ghosts are here, don’t let him cum. Make him go to sleep in wet pants and blue balls!”

“Oh my god, Shane, you fucking… ah!”

Ryan came.

He came in his pants, and it was awkward, messy, sticking to the front of his boxers, then going down around his thighs, leaving him sticky, gooey.

“Oh, yeah, fuck, just like that….”

Shane made soothing noises, and then he negated the sweetness somewhat by wiping his hand off on the dry part of Ryan’s pants.

“Ew,” Ryan mumbled.

“What are you saying “ew” about, it’s your bodily fluids,” Shane said into Ryan’s hair.

Ryan could hear Shane’s heart beating, right under his ear.

It was going very fast, and there was something nice about knowing that he could get the unflappable shane this worked up.

“Do you want me to…?” Ryan brought his hand down lower, the tips of his fingers along the curve of Shane’s erection through the denim.

“Yeah, just, uh… hold on.”

There was fumbling, and then there was a zipping noise.

And then Shane’s hand was on top of Ryan’s, and it was guiding Ryan’s hand to wrap around his cock.

It was hot, solid, and the head of it was wet.

It was the first cock that Ryan had touched that wasn’t his, but… fuck it.

He was in a tunnel under a college in the middle of Staten Island, so why the fuck not?

He gave it a stroke, and Shane made a guttural noise, his hips rocking forward.

“God, Ryan,” Shane groaned, and his hips rocked forward, as he humped into Ryan’s fist. “You’re so warm….”

“Does that mean if your dick got suddenly cold, it would mean that there was a ghost sucking your cock?”

Ryan was giggling, and he could _hear_ Shane rolling his eyes.

“I swear to fucking god, Ryan, not the time,” mumbled Shane. 

“I dunno,” Ryan said, and he was grinning, right into Shane’s neck, and Shane was shuddering against him, as he ran his palm across the head, collecting up more stickiness. 

“Fuck, yeah, right there, shit… fuck, oh, fuck, Ryan….”

Shane came, his long legs shaking, and it took Ryan a few seconds to realize the he hadn’t aimed Shane’s dick right, because there was going to be cum on the inside _and_ the outside of his jeans.

Oh… gross.

“So,” said Shane, and he was wrapping his arms around Ryan, holding the other man closer, “how about we declare this place unhaunted, so you can go to the hotel and use their laundry?”

“... you think the viewers will be able to tell?” 

“You wuss out anyway,” said Shane. “I don’t think you wanna sleep in pissy pants.”

“I could wear your pants,” Ryan said, still giddy on his orgasm and the weirdness of the whole situation.

“... no,” said Shane. “They’d end up around my knees, and it’s too cold to wear shorts.”

“Your dick is still out,” Ryan said. 

“That it is,” Shane said. “Gimme a minute.”

“So…?”

“So we’ll go back to the hotel,” said Shane, and Ryan didn’t even try to hide his relief, sagging against Shane.

Shane smelled nice, although the smell of piss was getting stronger.

Urgh.

“But two demons next season.”

Ryan groaned.

“Must we?”

“Yep!”

In a move he would no doubt regret very soon, Ryan shrugged, and he nodded against Shane’s shoulder. 

“Fine,” said Ryan. “I just want… you know, clean pants.”

“Of course you do… scaredy cat.” 

Ryan flushed, and his cock, spent, twitched.

Oh _god_.

He was not going to develop some kind of weird kink.

He _wasn’t_.

His dick didn’t seem to agree with him, but it usually didn’t. 

He could only hope.


	2. Chapter 2

"Shane? Did you hear that noise?" Ryan shifted in his chair, pressing his knees together and chewing on his lower lip.

"What noise?" Shane had his elbows on the table, and was slowly but surely mowing his way through a plate of fried rice. 

"There was a weird, like, creaking noise," said Ryan. "Are you sure that it isn't, like... a ghost or something?" 

"It's not a ghost," said Shane, chewing on a snow pea. 

"But are you _sure_?" Ryan was almost _wriggling_ at this point. He'd have been embarrassed if the fear wasn't crawling up the back of his back.

"We're not staying in the haunted bedroom," Shane reminded Ryan. "We'll be fine."

"But we're in a haunted hotel! Anyway, how does the ghost know which room is supposed to be the haunted one, when they're all incorporeal and shit?" Ryan stared down at his beef and broccoli, barely registering it. 

"There's no such thing as ghosts, Ryan," said Shane. "Eat your dinner." 

"You keep _saying_ that," Ryan said, "but how do you know?"

"Ryan," Shane said in a long suffering voice, "I understand that you are a weenie who is afraid of every passing shadow -"

"I am _not_ a weenie," Ryan protested. 

"Ryan, you're afraid of the goddamn floor creaking. I'd say that's a sign that you're a bit of a weenie."

"I'm not a weenie," Ryan repeated. 

"Weeniehood isn't a thing to be ashamed of," said Shane.

Ryan rolled his eyes, and he ate a piece of broccoli. He did it pointedly, although of course, Shane wouldn't have noticed that. 

"My point," said Shane, "is that you can relax. We're not on camera, you don't need to play it up."

"What, you think I'm playing it up for a... for a bit?"

"I mean, I don't know if you're playing it up for a _bit_ , per se, but you're definitely a lot more jumpy than usual."

"Knowing that someone got murdered like that three rooms over makes me feel a bit twitchy, so sue me," Ryan groused. 

"Ryan, that was literally before either of us were even born. I don't think we need to worry about it," said Shane. "I mean, if you think about it logically, someone has died _everywhere_ , so technically every place we're at is probably haunted."

Ryan made a face. "Don't think I hadn't thought of that," he told Shane.

"At least we're not in those creepy tunnels, right?" 

"Which ones? The ones under that one prison?" Shane wrinkled his nose, no doubt remembering what a claustrophobic nightmare that had been.

"No," said Ryan. "The one under that one old mental institution. You know, the one that became a college."

"Right," said Shane. "I remember that." The he grinned, his expression lecherous. "I dunno. You seemed to enjoy yourself enough."

Ryan flushed, biting his lip. He'd had to make up an excuse to the cameras as to why they left early - he'd played off being spooked, although in reality, they just needed to go back to their hotel rooms and put on clean pants. Still, it had been a hit. Everyone always loved to see him get scared beyond belief. 

"Those were creepy," said Ryan. "Pretty... creepy."

"What was creepier?" Shane's voice was cheerful. "The fact that you got off on peeing your pants, or the fact that the two of us ended up in whatever weird arrangement we're currently in."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "As much as you make me crazy, I am glad we're... y'know, dating," he said, although his cheeks turned very red. 

"Yeah, yeah," Shane said, making a dismissive gesture with one hand. He looked pleased in spite of himself. "But I know that having feelings turn out to be requited can be kind of scary. I know you get freaked out by stuff."

"You're mother hen-ing me," said Ryan. "I'm fine. Okay?"

"I'd be more inclined to think that you were okay if you weren't jumping at shadows," said Shane. "I swear, sometimes I think that you _like_ being scared."

Ryan flushed, and he licked his lips. "That'd be weird," he said, although his voice was coming out rough even to his own ears. 

"Would it? I mean, fear kinks are totally a thing," said Shane. 

"Isn't that for people who are into, like, skydiving and shit? Or like that one episode of CSI with the lady who was tied to the front of a car."

"That's a different thing," said Shane. "I dunno, you're super into being afraid, I wouldn't be surprised if you got off from it."

"I should hope you've figured out at least _some_ of what gets me off by now," said Ryan, and he rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed but pleased at the same time. It was weird, to be bantering with Shane like this. Not a bad sort of weird, to be sure, but also very different. 

"Well, yeah, but you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered up with some riddling note paper," said Shane.

"That was a really dumb metaphor," Ryan said, rolling his eyes.

"They can't all be winners," Shane said, although he sounded remarkably calm about all of this. Then again, he always was - he projected absolute serenity in the face of feelings jams, ghosts, and obnoxious fans. Ryan wouldn't have gone so far as to say that Shane was unflappable, but he was about as close as a human being could get and remain human. 

... Ryan was almost entirely sure that Shane was human. 

The thought brought a grin to his face, and Shane looked at him sidelong. 

"What's so funny?" Shane stretched, his long arms telescoping out from behind him, his fingers knit together and his various joints crackling like someone tap dancing across a bag of potato chips. 

"A lot of fans think you're a demon," said Ryan. "I dunno. I think it's kinda funny, since sometimes you come off as a bit... inhuman."

"How do you know that _I'm_ not a demon, hm?" Shane leaned forward, and he made "woogity woogity" hand motions on either side of his face.

It should have been funny - for the most part it, was funny. There was already a laugh bubbling up out of the corners of Ryan's mouth, spilling out like so much water. But there was something compelling about it as well. Something... well, honestly, something sexy. It made his stomach twist in interesting, unexpected ways. 

... huh. 

"If you were a demon, you wouldn't be afraid of avocado pits," Ryan told Shane.

"But heroin needles! They'd be afraid of heroin!" Shane's expression turned fervent.

Ryan rolled his eyes, leaning back in his own chair, the front legs coming up off of the ground. "Well, anyone would be afraid of heroin," Ryan pointed out. 

"You're not," said Shane. "Does that mean that you're a demon?"

"If I was a demon, you think I'd wanna look... y'know, like this?" Ryan indicated himself.

Shane raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?" He looked like he was on the edge of nonplussed.

"Just, y'know. If I was a demon, I'd make myself, like, eight feet tall, with black horns and big fuck-off wings. Maybe a tail, too."

"Doesn't sound very practical," Shane said, his tone thoughtful. "I mean, it'd look amazing, don't get me wrong, but how would you be able to keep it on the down low?"

"Demons know that shit," said Ryan. "I'd worry about it then. Anyway, I'm not a demon, so I don't have to worry about it at all, do I?"

Shane shrugged. "You're the one who started it," he pointed out.

"Now I feel like I'm fighting with my brother again," said Ryan. "Pointing at each other and saying "he started it"," said Ryan, and he was giggling a bit in spite of himself. 

"Please don't bring your brother in on things when I'm flirting with you," said Shane, making a face. 

"Oh god, were we flirting?" Ryan put on a distressed expression, although it was taking a lot of effort not to throw his head back and cackle to the ceiling. He grabbed his glass of water, and he took a slug. He already had to pee, but… fuck it. 

"C'mon," said Shane. "Even you're not that clueless."

"I can be as clueless as I wanna be," Ryan said primly. "It's my choice." 

"Only you," said Shane, but he was grinning. 

"As if you'd have me any other way," Ryan said back.

"Well, true," said Shane. "I can't argue with that, as much as I'd like to." 

"I'm surprised you're not," said Ryan. "You argue with a lot of things."

"I argue against your stupid theories," said Shane. "That's not me arguing against anything that actually makes _sense_ , that's just me pointing out that you say stupid shit sometimes."

"You're real nice," Ryan groused, but he was grinning in spite of himself.

"I do my best," Shane agreed, and he winked at Ryan. 

Ryan rolled his eyes, and he prodded Shane with one foot. 

Shane turned his leg, trapping Ryan's foot between his calves. 

Ryan blushed, but he curled his toes against the leg of Shane's pants. 'You're such a weirdo," he told Shane. 

"Yep," Shane agreed. "I stick around with you, don't I?"

"Wow, that was a burn," said Ryan, but he was grinning as he took another bite of his dinner. Then he frowned, cocking his head towards the door. "Are you _sure_ you didn't hear that?"

"Ryan," said Shane, "I'm _absolutely_ sure I didn't hear that." 

"But you don't even know what I'm talking about, if you don't know what it was," Ryan pointed out.

Shane's expression was long suffering, and he reached out with both hands, taking Ryan's hands into his own and squeezed them. "Ryan," he said, "I didn't hear anything. " 

"But -"

"Ryan, the scariest thing in this whole hotel is me," said Shane, and something about the way he said it made Ryan's stomach twist into knots. 

"I dunno what you're talking about," Ryan said, and his voice might have cracked, but only a little bit! He took a slug of his water to settle the churning in his stomach, and he leaned back in his seat.

"I'm either making a joke about how there isn't _actually_ anything scary in this hotel, or I'm pointing out the fact that I can actually be pretty scary, depending on how you look at it," said Shane.

"Why not both?" Ryan countered. His heart was beating very fast in his ears, and he drank more water, because his mouth was very dry. 

"Are you, like, afraid of me?" Shane looked worried, which was unexpected.

"Not afraid-afraid," Ryan said. "Obviously. You're a giant softie, and I know that." 

"So why are you looking at me like you're worried that I'm going to eat your face?" Shane looked faintly worried, or maybe hurt. "I mean, you know me, Ryan."

"Yea, I know you," Ryan said in what he hoped was a reassuring tone of voice. "I don't think you're, like, a serial killer or whatever, don't worry."

"But," Shane said, his eyes still searching Ryan's face. 

"But... well, you're good at kind of... harnessing this weird vibe that's kind of hot," Ryan said in a rush. "The whole idea that you're not... you know."

"Not really, no," said Shane. His face was very hard to read, and anxiety was trying to crawl up Ryan's throat.

"You're... okay," said Ryan, and he rested his elbows on the table. "Like, you're a great dude, but you're kind of weird." 

"We both work for Buzzfeed," Shane pointed out. "Is there _anyone_ normal working there?" 

"No," said Ryan, "but still. Like... urgh." He made an annoyed noise, covering his face up. "I'm sorry. I'm fucking this up."

"You're not doing too badly," Shane said. "I'm sure you could dig your hole a little deeper."

Ryan gave him a Look. 

Shane smiled at him with a whole lot of teeth. It made Ryan shiver, and he licked his lips. 

"We're very different people," said Ryan, "and that's a good thing. Variety is the spice of life and all that good stuff. But I still sometimes trip over it, I think. And my libido or my psyche or whatever has just... decided that things that scare me or confuse me also turn me on."

"What, you're afraid of me enough that it makes you horny?" Shane looked somewhere between intrigued and insulted.

"Sometimes you confuse me," said Ryan. "And some of it is just my own imagination."

"Your imagination, huh?" Shane raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh yeah," Ryan said fervently. "You've, uh... you've probably guessed by now that I kind of have a thing for being afraid -"

"Never would have guessed," Shane said, and his voice was so flat you could have poured maple syrup on it and eaten it like a pancake. 

Ryan flipped the bird at Shane, and Shane snorted. "But you're hot. And... like you don't masturbate to some weird stuff," he added, aware that he sounded defensive but unsure of how to stop it."

"Eh, fair enough," said Shane, and he leaned back in his seat, his hands behind his head. "So you want... what, for me to pretend to be a demon because it gets you hot?"

"You don't... have to," Ryan said, although his cock was already getting thick in his pants, his whole body beginning to heat up. His knuckles were white on his fork. 

"I'm not saying I _have_ to," Shane said. "But I wouldn't mind doing it, if it was something that you'd like."

"It's... the idea is definitely... it has its appeal," Ryan said faintly. 

"The idea of me being a demon that's going to eat you up in one big gulp?" Shane said it casually, and then he shoved a piece of his fried rice into his mouth. He was chewing, and as he chewed, Ryan watched the way his jaw flexed.

Ryan flushed, and he drank more water, because wow was his mouth dry.

"Are you sure... are you sure that it's, uh, that it's a good idea to tempt fate like that?"

"What d'you mean, Ryan?" Shane raised an eyebrow. "You mean me talking about how I could totally be possessed by a demon while we're in a haunted hotel, and you wouldn't actually be able to tell if it happened or not?" He was still chewing, and the way he was talking was making Ryan's heart beat faster.

"That feels like asking for trouble," said Ryan. His voice was rougher than he wanted it to be.

"I was taught to ask for what I want," Shane said. "My parents were thoughtful like that."

"What, you _want_ trouble?" Ryan drained his glass, poured himself another one, drained that one too. 

“I wouldn’t say no to it,” Shane said. “Life could always be more interesting.”

Ryan put his glass down. It clunked against the table. "You're saying you want something "interesting" in the blasted hellscape that is the current world's arena?"

"I mean," said Shane, "I wouldn't say no."

"Didn't you ever hear of that old curse, 'may you live in interesting times'?"

"That was a pretty good Terry Pratchett novel," Shane agreed. He scooted his chair back, and his long legs were stretched out in front of him, his bare feet curling against the lino. He had very long toes, and his ankles were knobbly and awkward under the cuffs of his pants. 

"You know what I mean," Ryan said. He walked towards Shane, and he looked down. “It’s weird to actually be able to see the top of your head.”

"I think you have a fear kink," said Shane, ignoring Ryan’s quip. He looked up into Ryan’s face, and the light overhead gilded the shadows in the hollows of his cheekbones. His hands were going to Ryan's hips, his fingers hooking into the belt loops of Ryan's pants. "Or are you going to deny it?"

"I don't… _not_ have a fear kink," Ryan admitted. "Not, like... the super ridiculous shit, obviously, but maybe some of it is, uh... well." He was blushing.

"Why don't you come sit in my lap, and I'll whisper terrifying nothings into your ear," said Shane, and he patted his thigh. He was wearing a face that he probably thought was sexy. It kind of was, although Ryan was, of course, completely biased when it came to Shane's face. 

"Are you sure that the chair can hold us both?" 

"It'll be fine," Shane assured Ryan. "If it's not, I'll pay for it."

"Buzzfeed will be pretty mad at us if they have to pay for the damages of a hotel room," Ryan added, but he was already climbing into Shane's lap, because... well. Shane looked like the very image of temptation. For all of Ryan's fear of demons, he was never very good at resisting, when he wanted something. Delayed gratification was all well and good, but why delay it when you could have it _right now_?

"We'll tell them a ghost did it," said Shane, and then he grunted, as Ryan's weight settled on his thighs. "You're in the perfect place for me to eat your soul, if I wanted to," he told Ryan, and he kept his eyes on Ryan's.

Ryan flushed, and he looked down. Or at least, he tried to. Shane's hand was under his chin, and he was forced to make eye contact, even as he blushed. 

"Maybe I'm really a demon," Shane said, and his voice was casual, calm. He was definitely hard in his chinos. Ryan could tell, now that they were pressed together like this. "A demon who's just been pretending to be human."

"You're not a demon," Ryan said, although his voice was shaking, just a bit. 

"How can you tell?" Shane's hand was going up the back of Ryan's shirt, his nails digging into the skin there. "Maybe I'm a demon who keeps denying ghosts to make you believe even more fervently."

"That's really dumb," Ryan said. He kept his eyes on Shane's face, searching it for... what? Proof of Shane being a demon? That made no sense. He _knew_ that Shane wasn't a demon, because if Shane was a demon, Ryan would _know_. He was with Shane all the fucking time, Shane was his best friend, his lover. 

"But you don't have an argument other than that," Shane countered. He looked smug, but it was the usual human smugness, nothing else. 

Ryan kissed Shane's smug mouth, because if he didn't do something soon he was possibly going to explode, and that would be bad. He knew that Buzzfeed would be displeased with having to pay for a hotel being repainted or... whatever it is that you do when someone exploded. What would you do, anyway, other than paint stuff over? A cleaning service?

Ryan steered himself away from that line of thought, and he concentrated on kissing Shane, his tongue in Shane's mouth, his fingers tangling in Shane's hair, his hips rolling forward, just a bit. He was already hard, his cock pressing against Shane's thigh. He moaned into Shane's mouth, as Shane's hands moved down to the back of his pants, pulling him closer.

"I'm going to eat your soul," Shane said, right up against Ryan's ear. His breath was ticklish and hot, as rank as a hell mouth. He smiled, and he smiled wider when Ryan shuddered. "I'm going to," he repeated. "I'm going to eat your soul, I'm going to cut open your guts and eat those too. I'm going to devour you whole."

Ryan was more horny than he could ever remember being. He was also shaking. He needed to piss, he needed... what did he need, right now? He clung to Shane's shirt, and he was shaking so hard that his teeth were beginning to chatter. The idea of Shane turning into some kind of terrifying monster - of the face that he was so fond of, so _dependent_ on at this point, twisting into something else.... Fuck. 

"You okay?" Shane shot him a slightly worried look.

"I'm great," Ryan said, and he clenched his jaw to quiet his teeth. "Keep going. Please."

"Kinky fucker," Shane said, and then he deepened his voice a little more. "It's why I like you, Ryan. Because you're such a kinky freak. It's going to call the demons to you, y'know that, right?"

Ryan swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing, his stomach twisting up like an old garden hose. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, and his voice was shaking. "You're not a demon, Shane."

"I'm a demon," Shane said, and he ground his hips forward, his cock hard against Ryan's thigh. "I'm a horny demon, and I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to bend you over, and I'm going to _sliiiiiiiide_ my cock into you as deep as it can go, and I'm going to pull your soul out of you like that. I'm going to make you come so hard you forget the name of god, and then I'm going to make you come again, until you forget the face of your father."

Ryan paused. That sounded like something out of a Stephen King novel, now that he thought about it, but he'd bug Shane about it at some later date. "You're still Shane," Ryan said, although now both of his hands were on Shane's shoulders, squeezing them tightly. 

"I'm Shane the demon," Shane agreed, and one hand came around, to trace down Ryan's stomach, over Ryan's shirt. "I'm going to disembowel you with my razor sharp claws. I'm going to flex my fingers, just like this." He flexed his fingers against Ryan's stomach, and then Ryan was grabbing the hem of his own shirt, tossing it over his head. "I'm going to dig them in," said Shane, and he was indeed digging his fingers into Ryan's stomach, hard enough that it was scratching, "and I'm going to slice you open. I'll fuck your guts, Ryan."

Ryan shuddered again, and he moaned, his cock twitching like a tuning fork. If Shane kept pressing on his stomach like that... well. It would certainly go places. As hard as he was, it wasn't as if he could take a piss even if he wanted to, but the tightness of his bladder was beginning to get uncomfortable. His entire lower body was throbbing in time with his heart, and Ryan wasn't sure if it was arousal, distress, or some combination thereof. 

"You like the idea," Shane added. "You want me to cut you open, don't you? You want me to fuck you, don't you, Ryan?"

"I want you to fuck me," Ryan echoed, and he was shaking, still grinding his hips forward. "Please."

"You want me to fuck you, even though I'm an evil demon? You want me to fuck you even though I've been talking about cutting you open?" Shane smiled, and wow but that was a lot of tooth in one smile. 

"I want you to do whatever you want to me," Ryan said, his tone surprisingly fervent. Oh god. He was pretty far gone, wasn't he? That probably wasn't a good sign, but did he even care at this point?

Shane cleared his throat, and then he let out a laugh. It only sounded a little forced. "You'd give up _that_ easily?" He slid a hand down, and he squeezed Ryan's crotch. There wasn't a lot of cock in his hand - Ryan's jeans were loose, and this was an awkward position - but Ryan still watched, wide eyed. "You think with this thing, don't you?"

"I don't... I don't do it on purpose," Ryan stuttered. "I mean... I'm sorry." He was turned on and he was scared. He wasn't even sure what he was scared of - his eyes kept darting between Shane's hands and Shane's face, expecting it to... what, change? Expecting _actual_ claws to sprout?

This had all escalated kinda quickly, hadn't it? Although now was also not the time to think of that _Anchorman_ clip, as appropriate as it was. 

"Why are you sorry?" Shane was unbuttoning Ryan's jeans now, drawing the zipper down. He wrapped his hand around Ryan's cock and he squeezed it, harder than he would have normally. 

Ryan grunted, and he had his eyes on Shane's again, aware how wide his own were, aware that he was panting, open mouthed. "Because... I'm... I'm giving up so quickly," Ryan stuttered. "Are you... don't tell."

Shane burst out laughing, and he shoved his hand down into Ryan's underwear, grasping Ryan's cock. "Oh my god, Ryan," he said, and he sounded more like himself now. "It's okay."

"Please keep talking to me like that," Ryan said, and he was shifting his hips, fucking into the channel of Shane's fist. 

"Like what, Ryan?" Shane put on a bland expression, although the pad of his thumb was playing with the delicate spot right under the head of Ryan's cock.

"The... demon voice. The stuff you were saying. Please keep doing that." Ryan was at a point past being embarrassed, which was... impressive. He didn't know he had that point. Leave it to Shane to help him find some new pieces of his personality. He'd have to thank the guy for that. Later. 

"You mean how I was talking about how I'd cut you open? How I could be some evil demon, that’s going to eat you up?” Shane leaned forward, and he was speaking directly into Ryan’s ear. It was sending goosebumps up and down Ryan’s back. 

"You don't want to cut me open," Ryan said, and his throat clicked when he swallowed. "I'm not... I'm the same inside as anyone else." 

"No," said Shane, and his wrist worked faster, and his breath was hot and ticklish against Ryan's skin. "You're not like any other human. You're special, Ryan. I'm... I'm totally possessed by a demon right now, and I was possessed because I was attracted to _your_ light."

Ryan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, because even while dirty talking, Shane could be a bit of a mush ball. Then his mouth fell open, and his cock twitched in Shane's hand. "Shane," he said, and his voice was rough. "Fuck, Shane...."

"I'm a demon, Ryan," Shane said again, and he was humping against Ryan, keeping Ryan in place with his hand on Ryan's hip. His hand was sweaty against Ryan's cock, and his other hand was moving from Ryan's hip to Ryan's ass, sliding down the back of Ryan's pants to squeeze and fondle. He moaned, his hips rolling forward, and he was talking faster now, as the idea seemed to take hold of him. "I'm a demon, I'm going to... to corrupt you, I'm going to stain your soul, I'm going to turn you into some kind of corrupted thing."

"You said corrupt already," Ryan interrupted, because even at the best of times he couldn't stop being a pedant. 

Shane moved his hand lower, and he squeezed Ryan's balls, his wrist at an awkward angle. It was borderline painful, but oh did it feel good. It was the kind of thing that a demon would do, and Ryan sobbed, his hips jerking forward, his cock twitching against Shane's wrist. His belly was sloshing with all the water he'd drunk, and the pain in his belly was combining with the pain in his balls, and the two pains were twining together into some kind of pleasure that beat at him like hammers. 

"Don't interrupt me," said Shane, his voice sharp, and then he was stroking Ryan's cock again, long, slow strokes, slow enough that it was like torture. "I'm going to... I'm going to use your body next, when I'm done with this one. I'm going to climb into your soul like a sleeping bag and get nice and comfortable. I'll... I'll do things to you, to your friends, I'll make them hate you, I'll... do… any thing, fuck, Ryan...."

Ryan yanked on Shane's hair, forcing Shane's head back, and Shane groaned like he was dying, his hips rocking forward. He was grinding his cock against Ryan's thigh, and it was hot and heavy, throbbing in time with Shane's heartbeat. Fear was hammering through Ryan as well, galloping after him on iron clad hooves, and _wow_ but that was a flowery metaphor. He'd be bothered by it, except he was too scared, too horny, too many things all at once, and they were all enough that it was making his head spin. 

"Shane," Ryan said, "you're Shane, you're not a demon, you're Shane. You're Shane, you're my... Shane." Ryan was fucking into the channel of Shane's fist, his knees digging into Shane's sides, and he was holding on tightly. "God, Shane, you feel so... it's so... _fuck_ , Shane!" 

"Shane's not here," said Shane, and he was staring back into Ryan's eyes, and maybe he was trying to look scary, but honestly he just looked like Shane. But there was still fear in the pit of Ryan's stomach, and this was going weird places. They were going to need to talk about shit when this was done. Like, the weird shit. Although not now. Definitely not now, because holy _fuck_ , Shane was doing... something with his wrist and something else with his fingers, something that was making Ryan's back arch and his hips stutter.

"I'm... fuck, Shane," Ryan mumbled. He was teetering over the very edge of his orgasm, teetering like he was at the edge of a cliff, his arms windmilling. He was going to lose his balance, he was going to fall in, he was... he was going to come. 

Shane leaned forward, and he bit Ryan on the neck, right under Ryan's ear. It wasn't much, in the way of pain, but it wasn't the kind of thing that Shane would normally do. Shane wasn't a biter in general - he kissed and he sucked, but he didn't bite. A little bolt of fear crossed across Ryan's consciousness - _what if he really is possessed?!_ \- and then Ryan's orgasm crashed down on his entire body like a broken bookshelf.

Ryan sobbed as he came, his hips thrusting into Shane's fist, his whole body on edge and his fingers digging into Shane's shoulders. The pleasure pulsed through him like a heartbeat, and it would have been scary if he wasn't already riding the high of it like he was on a surfboard. He went completely limp, nuzzling into Shane's neck as the sweetness ran up and down his nerves.

"Wow," said Shane, and it was his normal voice again. "I didn't realize you were so into the whole fear thing to _that_ degree."

"If you weren't sure that I was that into it, why would you try it in the first place?" Ryan's cock was beginning to soften, and that was a Problem. A capital "p" problem, and that sure was a bad choice of words now that he thought about it, oh god. "Shane, let me up. I need to pee.”

"Well," said Shane, and now he sounded nervous. "We, uh... we are on linoleum." When Ryan sat up, Shane avoided his eyes. 

“Are you suggesting I pee on you?” Ryan raised an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t… be against it,” said Shane, and he was blushing. It was stupidly obvious, with his pale skin. 

“Not being against it isn’t the same as wanting it,” Ryan pointed out. His come was already drying in his boxers, against his thigh. “Will we be able to do laundry?”

“There’s a laundromat right next door,” Shane said quickly, “and I, uh, I could clean it up with a towel, and we could wash the towel with the rest of our stuff. I’ve got sweats as well, so we could… we could do it.” 

“You really want me to piss myself, don’t you?” Ryan looked into Shane’s face, and saw desperation staring back. He would have been weirded out, except there’s nothing as endearing as someone that desperate. 

“I want you to piss yourself _and_ me,” Shane said, his voice full of shaking wanting. “Please?” 

Ryan sighed, and he pressed his forehead against Shane’s, trying to relax his everything. It took more work than he thought it would - not peeing his pants was pretty built in. And Shane was squirming under him, panting. But okay. 

He could do this. 

Ryan sighed again, his tongue tracing over the bluntness of his own teeth, following the point of his incisor to the square shape of his front tooth. Okay. All he needed to do was relax, and... there. 

It was like breaking down the wall of a dam - one second a few trickles, then a full on flood. It was… well, it was more than a little embarrassing, and Ryan’s whole face turned red, and he pressed it into Shane’s neck. The relief was almost instantaneous, and the sensation of Shane shaking against him was _heady_. The guy had a kink, huh? 

“Fuck, Ry,” said Shane, and his voice was rough. He held on to Ryan’s hips, his own rolling forward, and then he was… fuck, he was humping Ryan’s ass, grinding through his jeans, and Ryan was grinding back, as best he could. He kept his eyes on Shane’s face, trying not to think about the scent of the piss or the way his jeans were already wet. It was… kind of gross, but most fun things in life are gross, when you get down to it. 

Shane sobbed, almost, and then he went utterly still, his face completely slack. His cock was twitching against Ryan’s thigh, and then Shane made a face. “I am so gross right now,” he said, his voice rough. 

“We’re _both_ gross,” Ryan corrected. “Although you should do the laundry, since it’s your fault.”

“How is it _my_ fault? It’s _your_ piss!” Shane was clearly trying to be indignant, but was too comfortable to really manage it. 

“You made me do it,” Ryan pointed out. He was… very sticky. Sticky, and he didn’t smell as good as he could.

“We’re at an impasse, I think,” Shane said. “But hey, I got your mind off of the ghosts, didn’t I?”

“I mean...that’s fair.”


End file.
